I had the day off work and dropped off some Uncertain States magazines to the University photography and art departments. I'd hesitated as it is potentially 'coming out' in my own city and I have no control over who finds out, family or friends. They are largely self-contained worlds, though so I don't think that copies will necessarily be circulated among local people. I will probably ask if I can leave some at The Collection, the local art gallery, at some point, and that will be much more public.
Afterwards I popped into a few charity shops nearby - and came across a swoon dress. These are rare occurances of finding a dress so 'perfect' that I feel sensory overload just taking if off the rail. For a few moments it's quite disorientating - maybe like striking gold - and I feel my heart beating faster and harder and even lose some of my usual self-consciousness at looking through women's clothing. I also feel a protective urge to keep hold on tight to the item of my infatuation in case I let it go for a moment and someone else immediately picks it out and buys it and I have to live with that devastating loss. It was probably a size too small for me so I did put it back for a minute or two but then decided even if I couldn't fit in it it was still worth buying for its sheer beautifulness. Clothes art. It felt so sumptiously feminine. The person at the till has seen me in there before and as they are transgender (all the way) they have noticed my inclination to check out the skirts and dresses, and said to me, 'You'll look great in that', which was sweet, if a bit forward. Rather than say nothing or say it was for someone else I just replied, 'I hope so.' Dresses like these give such a feeling of joy and exhilaration - and courage - just like some kinds of art do.
Afterwards I popped into a few charity shops nearby - and came across a swoon dress. These are rare occurances of finding a dress so 'perfect' that I feel sensory overload just taking if off the rail. For a few moments it's quite disorientating - maybe like striking gold - and I feel my heart beating faster and harder and even lose some of my usual self-consciousness at looking through women's clothing. I also feel a protective urge to keep hold on tight to the item of my infatuation in case I let it go for a moment and someone else immediately picks it out and buys it and I have to live with that devastating loss. It was probably a size too small for me so I did put it back for a minute or two but then decided even if I couldn't fit in it it was still worth buying for its sheer beautifulness. Clothes art. It felt so sumptiously feminine. The person at the till has seen me in there before and as they are transgender (all the way) they have noticed my inclination to check out the skirts and dresses, and said to me, 'You'll look great in that', which was sweet, if a bit forward. Rather than say nothing or say it was for someone else I just replied, 'I hope so.' Dresses like these give such a feeling of joy and exhilaration - and courage - just like some kinds of art do.
(Back and front view)